526 Reasons Why I'm Not Married

Reason #518 Being married doesn’t stop a man from pursuing a bit of tail

Reason #518 Being married doesn’t stop a man from pursuing a bit of tail

This is a delicate one, but here goes.

In the last decade, the majority of my female friends have married. In many cases I was an integral part of the wedding– as a bridesmaid or just in the role of close-friend-who-helped-out.

And then time marched on and the newness wore off and suddenly the husband found a time and a corner to tell me about how attracted he’s always been to me and couldn’t we just find a time sometime for a little, you know, fun?

Umm, what? No f**king way, you idiot lech.  Do you realized you are married to one of my best friends?

Now, if this had been one isolated incident, I would just say “Well, ok, whatever, I guess *she* chose the wrong guy.”

But , no, it has happened to me so frequently over the past ten years, I’ve begun to seriously question whether any man can be faithful.

Which brings me to the next variation on a theme: the hugger.  This is the husband who hugs you so long he’s holding you, or if he’s a slightly darker hue of shady he pulls you into him for the ten seconds of jollies he gets feeling a new set of breasts against his chest. So.effin.gross!

I mean, these are my close. friends’. HUSBANDS!

And before you go jumping to some conclusion I’m giving off some slut-whore-sleeps-with-married-men vibe. I never have– and never will– cheated or helped someone to cheat these men just try their luck with no encouragement.


Unfortunately I’ve never found a successful way to approach this situation, to tell him off, to snitch on him to my friend.  Mostly because I never wanted to get in the middle of their marriage.

My only solution has been to avoid the situation entirely– not to visit unless I’m in the company of another man– which hasn’t happened in many years which has led to meeting my girlfriends alone in public and alone– which kind of sounds like spy-worthy behavior.

But what else to do?

I mean who are these men? Is it true that any man will try his luck given the chance? That doesn’t say much for their gender.

But until I’m proven otherwise– let’s just add men’s perpetual unfaithfulness to the list of 526 reasons why I’m not married.


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