526 Reasons Why I'm Not Married

Reason #519: Men who hit on you then expect you to do all the work

Men who hit on you then expect you to do all the work

After a recent interview on Huffington Post Live about this very blog (Can you believe they wanted to talk to me about being a sassy single?) there was a small trickle of fan mail to the tune of “Hey. Hey. Hey. I saw you were single.”

Great. Online pick-up lines. My favorite.  Like online dating hell.  Only worse.

Case in point:

“Tell me more about yourself,” he writes in the most open-ended (cliched and ridiculously uninteresting) way possible.

This is the third time he’s asked me the same question in variation-on-a-theme vocabulary. Apparently his theme song is highly repetitive– the kind of tune that’s great for the beach in  summer but can’t possibly be taken seriously in the hardy days of winter.

Part of me wants to respond sarcastically “Ok, I pee sitting down” or “I’m a toilet paper crusher, not a folder. How ‘bout you?”

I mean, seriously?  You emailed me looking for contact, and when I agree to chat, that’s what you’ve got? Like, do you want to know my dating history? Or my high school GPA?  My favorite toy as a kid? My favorite toy as an adult?

Because, really, that’s a pretty frickin’ wide field.

What if– revolutionary idea here– you lead with a question that demonstrates your interest is actually based on something that drew you to me– some common point, something interesting.

No? Nothing? No real founded interest to base a question off of?

See, because that’s what a stupid ass question like the one you asked demonstrates:

1) You’re desperate and you’ll talk to anyone.

2) Your interest has no foundation in noticing anything about me.

3) You probably just like my

a) ass b) boobs c) flat stomach d) fill-in-the-blank-whatever-your-particular-fetish-is

 In short, a lame ass question makes you look shallow and uninteresting.  And I don’t have time for little boys who don’t do  their homework.

Would you send in an application for a job without reading the company’s website?  I think not.  Isn’t your dating life just as much–if not more — important?

It’s a digital world, buddy.  You met me on the internet– meaningful information about me and my values are two clicks, or fewer, away.

Really? Am I worth so little effort?

Right back at ya.


And on to the rest of my day.



Wanna Sass Back? Type it here. (Keep in mind: this is my blog, so if you get more than sassy, and you're just plain rude, I'm not posting it.)

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