Reason #523 Why I’m not Married
Men pretend to be something they’re not to get you to go out with them.
I guess being 19 was a pivotal year– which makes sense: it’s a big transitional year from kid to adult, moving away from home, all that. For me, it was also the first time I got engaged. (Remember, I told you I’d tell you about this guy.)
I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. He was absolutely the man of my dreams. We had all the same hobbies, shared a love of culture, and loved good food. Every moment was romantic– barbecuing together on the porch, snuggling to watch a movie, road trips. All of it– I felt like the luckiest woman in the world.
He was thoughtful and we spent pretty much every day together. I was happy.
And then. And then…yeah.
It all came out slowly. First he wanted more time with his friends (seemed normal), then he started drinking– a lot. And that’s where things started to seem strange, because, well, he said he didn’t drink– and now– he’d finished off a case of beer in an evening. (That’s a lot of beer.)
And slowly, at a slow, painful Chinese-water-torture-trickle: “Actually, I don’t like chicken;” “I don’t like barbecuing;” “I don’t want to read any more books. Actually, I don’t even like reading;” “Why don’t you see that play with your friends? I don’t even really like plays.”
I don’t. I never did. It was all a lie.
And. And! (And this is my favorite part.)
You should still love me.
Pick me up off the floor. What?
Yes, he made it all up. An entire personality. Said whatever I wanted to hear in that “getting to know you” phase (Remember, I was young and naive.). It was all 100% a lie. He was, in reality, nothing like the man I’d been in love with for a year.
I was devastated, heartbroken. I felt betrayed, deceived, and lonelier than I’ll probably ever feel again because the man I thought was my soul mate was an illusion, because the man I’d shared every significant moment of the last year with was a complete and utter stranger.
The scenario gets worse, but that’s to be continued.
Today I’m talking about the deliberate deception men seem to think is a normal part of the dating process.
To prove his point, this awful boyfriend showed me a movie– I think it was called Forget Paris– where the man plays the same bait and switch game with the woman, and the woman decides to love him anyway.
Thank God I had the wisdom not to fall for the same bullshit she did!
I felt then, and I feel now– I know now– I mean, you fall in love with a person (at least I do) not his body or his car or any of those superfluous things. So if he wasn’t the person he said he was, there was nothing there.
Once I was wise to the dog and pony show, I’ve seen it over and over again– grandiose promises, men trying to fish out what kind of man you’re looking for so they can pretend to be that man long enough to get what they’re after– for their own amusement, or because they’re insecure about who they really are, or– who the hell else knows. I don’t really care what their lame-ass motivation is.
I just know I want the truth– someone genuine, who likes himself well enough to say “here I am, faults and all, this is me.”
And if I can’t find that kind of man, I’m very happy to avoid the fiction, and stay single, thank you very much.
So there it is: Reason #523 Why I’m not married.
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